Facing His Demons
by hobo-hobisho
Summary: Goren and Eames work on a case that brings back Goren's past and seriously threatens his future. Mild violence and language. COMPLETE.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Law and Order:Criminal Intent. I don't own any characters, actually. How sad. Dick Wolf owns the wonderful Eames, Goren, Deakins, and Carver. Whilst I merely adore them.   
  
It started out as it always did. The famous Eames and the more-famous Goren arrive on scene to discover a heinous crime. The two don't miss a beat; they take their positions for their finely choreographed routine. Detective Alex Eames, as short as her name and as powerful as her piece, takes out her memo pad and pencil, canvassing the building. Detective Robert Goren, as solid as an oak and wiser than was good for him, crouched beside the victim and asked his questions silently, with a gloved hand and a craving for understanding.   
  
The victim this time was 23 year old Damon Sanders, an aspiring actor. From the sounds of the witnesses, he was not a popular man. "Can you think of anyone who would have wanted to hurt Damon Sanders?" Eames asked the building super. "Who the hell wouldn't want to hurt Damon Sanders is a better question," he responded. Eames thanked him and joined Goren beside the body. She didn't say anything, but waited for Goren to enlighten her. He willingly began his explanation of the body.   
  
"Handprints around the neck, the size is consistent with the other bruising," here Goren lifted the victim's shirt to reveal a bruised and somewhat bloodied torso. "But here's what killed him," pushing back the victim's long coat to reveal an almost surgical incision on the right thigh. "Femoral artery. Wallet's been taken, watch too."  
  
"Let me guess, you don't think it's a robbery?"   
  
"It seems a little bit of an overkill for a robbery, don't you think?" Eames merely raised her eyebrows. "We'll see what the ME says."   
  
"In the meantime, what did you turn up?" Goren stood up from his crouching position by the body, facing Eames but not looking at her. His eyes roved non-stop around the building, coming to rest again on the body.   
  
"Damon Sanders, actor. Everybody hates him. Lives in a studio at the top of the building."  
  
Eames and Goren climbed the stairs silently. Eames cast a backwards glance at her partner, surprised and concerned by his silence. She didn't want to ask, but felt she had to. "Something wrong, Bobby?" He startled and looked at her unblinkingly, his gaze as intense as always. "No, Eames, nothing," he said and gave a small smile to convince her. She shook her head but continued her ascent up the stairs. 


	2. Goren Wavers

Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine... my socks are mine, though. Back off.  
  
Upon entering the late Damon Sanders' apartment, it became evident why not many people were fond of the guy. Eames scoffed as she surveyed the glossy photos plastering the walls and even scattered on the floor. Photos of Damon Sanders with various women, all in various stages of undress. Goren picked up a stack of photos and quickly shifted through them, Eames aware of his actions, but not questioning. 'It's best to leave Bobby to himself when he's this way,' she rationalized to herself. She began to wander the apartment, settling herself in front of Damon's desk. Lost in credit card statements showing that Damon was indeed living the good life, Eames barely heard Goren's gasp. But the crash that followed got her attention.  
  
"Bobby, what is it?" she asked, rushing back to where he stood, a broken picture frame on the floor by his feet. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be swaying a bit, but when he felt the pressure of Eames's hand on his arm, he seemed to come to.   
  
"I, uh, I just dropped this. No bother, I'll clean it up," despite the fact that Goren had never before dropped something on accident, not that Eames was aware of. She nodded and returned to the desk, where her eyes skimmed over Damon's paperwork without reading a word. She had seen her partner upset before, of course, she had even seen him close to breakdown. But always with a reason. This case seemed an unlikely one for him to become upset over - there was no Nicole Wallace, no schizophrenic doctors, no way Goren could convince himself this death was his fault. Eames tried to shrug it off and concluded the search of Damon's apartment while Goren slowly cleaned up the fragments of the picture frame.   
  
Back at the Major Case Squad offices, Goren's demeanor had returned mostly to normal. He was poring over the medical examiner's report, Damon Sanders' personal affects, and several books. Eames sat across from him, reading reviews of Damon's acting work on the Internet. Captain Deakins approached the two swiftly; as always, he seemed to be busy. "How's it coming?" Goren didn't respond. Eames looked up with an almost apologetic smile and responded, "We're really not turning up any leads. He's got a clean record, there were no leads from the body itself-"   
  
"-Well, maybe one," Goren interjected. Eames looked at him expectantly, but he merely got up from his desk and walked away. Deakins sat himself on the edge of Eames' desk and looked down at her.   
  
"Dare I ask?" he said, his tone only half-joking.  
  
"Oh, you know Bobby. He'll come fill us in when he's sure he's got it." Eames's tone and words betrayed what she was really feeling - that something was wrong, and Bobby wasn't telling her what it was. She expected he'd keep it from the captain, but Eames had always felt that Bobby confided in her. 'I'll have to give it time,' she thought with an internal sigh. Deakins got up with a nod and walked back to his own office, leaving Eames to read more stunningly awful reviews of Damon Sanders. 


	3. Absence of Chivalry

Disclaimer: Law and Order Criminal Intent and its characters don't belong to me.  
  
An hour later, Goren rushed into the captain's office, where Eames was already sitting, awaiting his arrival. She couldn't get anything out of him on the phone, just a breathless, "I'll be in there in 5 minutes." Without a greeting, Goren opened his trusty binder and pulled out a photograph and passed it to Eames. Eames looked it over, it was a normal snapshot of a woman, probably late 20's, with her arm around Damon Sanders. She passed it quickly to Deakins, who scanned it as Eames did. They both looked at Goren expectantly.   
  
"Her name's Emily Dimitrio." he said, grabbing the photo back. "I used to know her."  
  
"Is this the picture in the frame you dropped?" Eames asked, already knowing the answer. Goren nodded and turned to Deakins. "I was reading over his credit card statements and it clicked. He'd been spending thousands of dollars on a woman. Saks 5th Avenue, expensive restaurants every night."  
  
"What makes you think it's this woman?" Deakins interrupted. Eames turned her eyes on Goren, who squirmed uncomfortably and stumbled over his words. Deakins held up a hand. "Let me guess, you have a hunch? Back it up and come back to me," he said, all business but not cruel. Bobby went to the door, but as always, let Eames go before him. 'Back it up' he thought. 'How the hell am I supposed to back it up?' He continued his inner monologue until Eames tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Wake up, Bobby," she said playfully, but she could see in his somber brown eyes that he did not want to play.  
  
"Okay, Bobby, who is this woman?" There was only one reason for his behavior - she had to have hurt him bad.  
  
"Just someone I used to know. Haven't spoken to her in years."  
  
"You have to give me more than that, Bobby."  
  
"No, I don't, Alex," he practically spat her name. She was taken aback by his tone, and by his use of her first name. He always called her Eames. She started to retort, but fell silent at the gleam in his eyes - one she'd only witnessed in the presence of a suspect Goren was trying to nail. The fiercely determined and unrelenting gleam. Goren stood up from his desk and started to walk out. He turned back to Eames. "Coming?"  
  
"Where are we going?"   
  
"To back it up," he replied, walking out the door ahead of her. Eames walked silently behind him, noticing briefly the lack of his usual chivalry. She noticed more how quickly he was walking. She was practically running to keep up. When they reached their SUV, Goren grabbed the keys from her. She looked on, stunned, as Goren almost never drove. She climbed into the passenger's seat, grimly thinking, 'I hope this is over soon.' Eames missed her good old Bobby. 


	4. A Short Sprint Down Memory Lane

Disclaimer: Law and Order: Criminal Intent and its characters are the property of Dick Wolf, Rene Balcer, countless other writers, and Universal Television. I'm using these people's brainy creations for a bit o' fun... no harm intended.  
  
Getting behind the wheel was unusual for Goren, but once there he didn't regret his decision. He was forced to push all thoughts from his mind and concentrate on getting Eames - and himself - to their destination in one piece. Eames sat silently in the passenger's seat, staring straight forward and maintaining her silence. 'Something Eames has always been good at' Goren thought. She was a silent woman when she felt it was necessary. The thought flickered across Goren's mind that she was upset with him, for his anger and his distance. He couldn't worry about it right now. The name beating around inside his skull was not Alex. It was Emily.  
  
He pulled up in front of a small house. They were in Ossining, a place cases had led them before. But Goren's walk was less sure, his breathing more erratic, as they walked up the brick path to the front door. Instead of knocking, like Eames was expecting, Goren pulled out a key. "Bobby, what is this?" she broke her silence, obviously shaken.   
  
"This, Eames, is where Emily and I... used to live," he answered. He opened the door and stepped back, motioning for Eames to go in first. Eames drew her gun, but Goren shook his head at her. "No need. No one's been here for... years." Eames reholstered her gun and walked in. The room held bookshelves, full ones, and a faint odor of cigarrette smoke, the combination of which would have made her think Bobby lived there, even if he hadn't told her. She was startled when he closed the door behind her. He stood in the entryway, looking straight ahead, composing himself. He walked down a small hallway into the house's only bedroom, Eames on his heels.  
  
Staring around the deserted bedroom, Goren had to shut his eyes against the memories flooding up inside him, but he found he couldn't do it. The scent of peaches, a lock of brown hair, a sickeningly thick red drop...   
  
He shuddered and opened his eyes again. He took a tentative step and sat down on the very edge of the bed's bare mattress. He turned his warm eyes on Eames, who looked eager to hear whatever he was going to say. "The last day I lived here was over 3 years ago. And, the last day I lived here was... yesterday. I come back here all the time, in my nightmares...and see the last thing anyone ever wants to see. Eames, this isn't... me... this sharing, this isn't me."  
  
"Go ahead and stumble, Bobby. I'm listening."  
  
He gave her a look, that needed no words to say thank you. He took a deep breath and continued, "Emily was this amazing storm that blew into my life. No one had ever touched me, and no one has since, in the way she did. And... I'm the untouchable Robert Goren. I'll quote Goethe and recall little known facts, but will I admit I loved?... I loved." He stopped, unsure of where to go, of how to go there. All he knew right now was that wandering around New York was a killer who'd once almost had his name, and still had his heart. "Eames, she killed Damon Sanders."  
  
"How can you possibly know that?" Eames demanded. As good a detective as he was, she couldn't buy that he'd solved the crime without a shred of DNA evidence, without once interrogating a suspect.   
  
"Eames, please. I know her. I know her."  
  
"Let's bring her in, then, Bobby."  
  
"How? We have no evidence. None. Less than none. The captain never wants to listen to my crazy hunches anyway, but this one is crazier than most." Eames had to agree that they didn't stand much of a chance with Deakins, or Carver for that matter.  
  
"If you just asked her to come in, would she? As a man who once... as you say, knew her?" Eames asked reasonably, but gently, not knowing how he had loved, and lost.  
  
"She would..." Goren answered, finishing in his head 'If I can ask her.'   
  
Back in the SUV, Eames resumed her position as driver, while Goren sat in the passenger seat, brooding. Eames flipped on the radio, comfortable with Goren back in his natural state of brood-osity. 


	5. When You Come Back to Me Again

Disclaimer: Law and Order: Criminal Intent and its characters are the property of Dick Wolf, Rene Balcer, countless other writers, and Universal Television. I'm using these people's brainy creations for a bit o' fun... no harm intended.  
  
Chapter Five: When You Come Back to Me Again  
  
Eames dropped Goren off outside his apartment. He wouldn't be much good at the office, he had to prepare to pick up the perp. He got out of the SUV with an apologetic smile, and Eames raised her hand in acceptance and brief farewell. Eames headed back to MCS to organize a team to go into the girl's house. Goren went home.   
  
He let himself in to his small but well-kept apartment. He ran a finger across his bookshelf, wondering if he could find strength within the volumes there. But he knew he couldn't. For once, Detective Robert Goren's answers were not in a book. He had less than an hour to prepare for the interrogation of a lifetime.   
  
Eames dropped the phone back onto the cradle and looked up at Deakins. "I've got an address, and according to the super, she's home." Deakins nodded. "Get Goren."  
  
Goren snapped to attention at the sound of a knock at the door. He hadn't heard the buzzer. 'Maybe it's Eames' he thought, and opened the door. He was not prepared for the person standing there. "'Ello Bobby," came the familiar British twang. He took a step back in shock and disbelief.  
  
"Nicole?" She smiled up at him, pushing past him into his apartment. He closed and re-opened his eyes, halfway hoping it was an illusion. But she stood before him, as lethally beautiful as ever. His mind raced. Yes, he'd heard of her arraignment on all charges... It does work to select an almost entirely male jury... but he couldn't imagine why she was here.  
  
"Oh, Bobby. It's Elizabeth, don't you remember?" Her smile continued on, but he gritted his teeth and faced it.   
  
"What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, not nearly in the mood to play her mind games.   
  
"I'm here to help you, Bobby. It's going to be a tough day, is it not?" Goren merely stared at her, not even wondering how she could know. She'd proven to know more about him than even he did.   
  
"And what can you do to help me?"   
  
"I've seen the error of my ways, Detective. And I'm here to make it up to you. You're going to need support when you see what I've done with Emily. Lovely girl, no wonder you loved her so much." again Nicole flashed her devilish smile, and Goren felt sick as the meaning of her words hit him. He had been up against Nicole Wallace before, and he had a sinking feeling that he was too late to save Emily.   
  
"Get out of my apartment. Get out now." His voice was quiet, but did a poor job of concealing his rage. He was shaking to stop himself from lunging across the room and giving Nicole Wallace exactly what she deserved. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself in check. Nicole stood up and nonchalantly walked out, waggling two fingers at him as she cast a glance over her shoulder. He sank to the floor holding his head.   
  
It was in this position that Eames found him when she entered the apartment five minutes later. She rushed to his side, exclaiming, "Bobby! Are you okay?" He looked up at her, his eyes dry but red. He had an ironic smile on his face.   
  
"You'll never guess who just dropped by."   
  
Eames swore under her breath as she pushed the accelerator to the floor. Goren sat in the passenger seat, apparently in another world. Eames felt an anger she hadn't felt in a long time. She prayed that she would be the one to nail Nicole Wallace - she didn't want Bobby dealing with that woman ever again. She pulled up in front of the apartment where Emily Dimitrio lived. Goren and Eames made their way up to the third floor, Eames with her piece drawn, Goren with his held listlessly by his side. Eames stepped aside to let Goren kick in the door, and entered before he did. The silence of the apartment was disturbed only by the thunderous beating of Goren's heart. Shaking visibly, he and Eames searched the apartment.   
  
"There's nothing here!" Eames cried, exasperated. Goren's brain had already processed what had happened. An envelope sat on an otherwise bare table, one word etched cryptically on the outside. Goren. 


	6. Before We Dance

Disclaimer: Goren and Eames aren't mine. Emily Dimitrio is. Thank you, Dick Wolf.  
  
Goren picked up the envelope, his hands shaking, determination etched into his face. He looked much older than his years, but on inspection, one could see the appeal in that face. The warmth behind the pain in those eyes. Eames came up behind him, blind to the attractiveness others saw, seeing only her partner's pain. She waited silently for him to finish reading.  
  
"What is it?" she asked when he looked over at her.   
  
Reading aloud, "I knew exactly how to get you here, didn't I? I amaze myself sometimes... it was sheer brilliance, as you would say, Bobby. Bringing your greatest adversary into the picture. Upping the stakes... I'm sorry I had to make you believe I was hurt... but, maybe I am hurt, Bobby, in ways that your best detective work could not figure out. If you still have it in you to face me, I'll be at the Hotel St. Francis at 7 pm. Come alone or I won't show my face." Goren finished, his entire demeanor changing. "Son of a BITCH!" he yelled, causing Eames to jump back.   
  
Deakins appeared in the doorframe behind Eames. "What's the story?" Eames quickly filled him in, her attention half on Goren, who was pacing the room, ducking his head to examine objects on the shelves. Eames knew this dance - but never before had she been scared to see it commence. "What are you going to do, Goren?" Deakins asked, gently but as always, business-like.   
  
"I'm going to solve the case. I'm going to solve the god damn case."   
  
Goren strode into the lobby of the St. Francis at 6:58, his pulse racing but his head quite clear. Eames sat outside on a bench, at her own insistence. "Eames, you have no business here. You're taking a risk that's not necessary," Goren had pleaded. She had brushed off his concerns. "I'm your partner, Bobby. We're in this together." Goren had expressed his discomfort, but inside he was relieved. He had strength somehow, knowing that Eames would be there for him.   
  
Goren took a seat on a bench, discreetly flashing his badge when approached by a security guard. The guard nodded and continued on his way. The minutes crawled by, but a calm patience had overtaken Goren. At 7:05, a woman crossed the lobby, her curly hair unkempt, her steps quick and determined. Goren was staring at the floor, seeing only a pair of shining combat boots approaching him. His heart leapt at the sight of the woman he loved, but he kept his face impassive. She sat down next to him on the bench, staring straight ahead and not speaking. Goren turned his head slightly, taking in her face and steadying himself.   
  
"Emily." At the sound of his own voice, Goren startled. He wasn't aware of it, but he spoke.   
  
"Bobby," she countered, turning to face him. He drew his breath in sharply as his eyes met hers, that mish-mosh of green, gray, and brown. The eyes he had seen so much in. He pulled himself out of his reverie, forcing himself to look at her as any other perp - forcing himself to forget the sight of sickening red, split skin, pink water.   
  
"What are we doing here?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
"You're solving a crime." she answered, a smile playing at her lips.   
  
"What are you doing?" he asked, gaining his footing at last.   
  
"Ah, Bobby... excuse me, Detective. Why should I just offer that information up? Shouldn't you work for a confession?" Emily turned away from Goren again.   
  
"We really shouldn't talk without your lawyer. Why don't you accompany me down to my office?" Emily smiled, and at the sight of it Goren almost relented, almost cried 'Whatever you did, I don't care. Run now.'   
  
"Why, that sounds splendid, Detective," she answered, the smile fading somewhat as Goren stood and grabbed her arm, pulling her up beside him.   
  
Eames sat outside, wondering what was happening inside the lobby, wishing again that Bobby had worn a wire. Her eyes stayed trained on the hotel entrance, but she didn't expect what she saw. Bobby was exiting the building, his hand around a brown haired woman's arm. Eames was struck by the woman's appearance. She was a good seven inches shorter than Goren, medium build, unexceptional in every way. She had been expected a raving beauty, given the power she seemed to have had over Goren. It wasn't until they got closer that Eames saw the woman's eyes. Eames stood to greet them as they got closer.  
  
"Emily Dimitrio, this is Detective Alex Eames," Goren introduced them. Eames extended her hand, but Emily did not. Eames shrugged and led the way back to the SUV. Goren climbed into the backseat with Emily. He sat on the edge of his seat, Emily on the edge of hers, Eames noted. They didn't look at each other or speak as Eames eased the SUV into traffic. 


	7. Avoiding Your Eyes

Disclaimer: Goren, Eames, Deakins, and Carver aren't mine. Emily Dimitrio and Mr. Jacobson are. Thank you, Dick Wolf.  
  
Goren, Eames, and Deakins all stood in the observation room, watching Emily Dimitrio biting her nails. They were waiting on her lawyer. They had been watching, waiting, for six hours. Goren was happy for the delay, but Eames was itching to get started.   
  
"She has got to be the most boring person I've ever watched," Deakins said, shattering the silence. Goren looked at him sharply.   
  
"She is fascinating," he contradicted. Deakins shrugged.   
  
"How so?"   
  
"She's never once looked into this mirror. Have you ever seen someone sit there for six hours and never once lift their eyes to the gigantic mirror in front of them?" Deakins saw his point.  
  
"Okay, I'll take the bait. Why isn't she looking?" Goren stood silent for several beats, then turned to fully face the glass. Deakins and Eames waited for his response, which came quietly several minutes later.  
  
"I don't know yet." With that, Goren strode to the door and let himself out. Eames and Deakins saw him enter the interrogation room. He leaned against the wall behind the door, as far away from Emily as he could be. She didn't try to meet his gaze, didn't acknowledge his presence in any way. Eames and Deakins watched, wondering when Goren would start. Eames knew he was in the disarming stage - he could be locked in a staring battle for hours, just trying to get the perp to back down first.   
  
An hour later, Assistant District Attorney Ronald Carver entered the observation room. He took in the scene, and turned to Deakins, unfettered. "I've found a public defense lawyer, he's right outside." Deakins nodded and rapped on the glass. Goren came into the room.   
  
"Sorry to break up your little - nothing, but Carver's found a lawyer." Goren looked over at Carver, who saw something in Goren's face that alarmed him. They walked out into the hall, where Carver stopped. "Is something wrong, Detective?" Goren shook his head. "Where's the lawyer?"   
  
Ten minutes later, Emily Dimitrio sat silently by her lawyer, Mr. Jacobson who was an inexperienced man. He was pale and trembling in the presence of Detective Robert Goren - a man he'd heard was ruthless when pursuing a suspect. His client was calm in the face of Goren, and he wondered if she had any idea who he was. Goren sat across the table from the pair, his eyes roving over the trembling lawyer, and the love of his life. He pushed that out of his head. 'She is just another murderer. That's all. Crack her and get out.' Goren pushed his chair back and rose from the table.  
  
"So, your client has nothing to say?" he asked, deciding the easier path would be to attack the lawyer.   
  
"Apparently not," he stammered in response. Eames was perched on the edge of the table beside the lawyer.   
  
"Maybe she should think of something, make this a little easier on us all."   
  
"I'm really not concerned with making things easier for you, Detective." Eames cooly looked over at Emily, who had raised her eyes to meet Eames's.   
  
"How about making it easier on yourself, Emily? I can smooth the path for you if you just tell us what happened," offered Carver, sitting in the chair next to the one Goren had abandoned. Emily merely smiled. Goren swooped down beside her, hands on the side of the table, his head cocked and his eyes boring directly into hers. She pushed her chair away from the table, away from him. He came in front of the table, closing the space she'd left between them. He leaned over her, his hands on his knees, his face inches from hers. She backed her chair up further, until she was against the wall.  
  
"Detective, please, what are you doing?" Mr. Jacobson asked, his voice unsteady. Goren looked over to him, backing away from Emily. He strode to the other side of the room, scratching his neck. There were several minutes of silence within the room. Emily brought her chair back up to the table, acting as though she had never moved. Goren whirled around.   
  
"Damon Sanders," he began, picking up his binder from the table and extracting a photo. He dropped it onto the table. Emily's eyes scanned it. It was the photo of her, with Damon's arm around her shoulders. "How did you know him?" He stayed across the table from Emily, his question hanging in the air.  
  
"He was just a friend of mine," she answered, in a monotone.   
  
"Just a friend?... No... nothing... more than that?"   
  
"No, just a friend."  
  
"You look very... comfortable in this picture."  
  
"We were very comfortable with each other."  
  
"Then how did you end up stabbing him to death?" Mr. Jacobson groaned. Emily turned her eyes on Goren, who pretended not to notice. "What took you from... this..." he jabbed his finger at the photo, "to this?" he punctuated his question by pulling out a morgue photo of Damon Sanders.   
  
"I didn't do that," Emily replied, but her voice was the same monotone. Eames sighed. She wasn't even trying to sell it. Goren looked at her, and jerked his head towards the door.  
  
He opened the door for Eames, and they exited quickly, Carver behind them.  
  
"She knows we can't hold her," Eames said, mostly to Deakins but also just to vent her frustration.   
  
"Lay into her, Goren." Deakins said. "I know this is more personal for you, but I've seen you pull this off so many times... I know you can do this. You have to." Goren just nodded and walked back into the interrogation room. Eames stayed behind, ready to come in if it looked like he needed her. 'But Deakins is right,' she thought. 'This is just what Bobby does best.'  
  
"That's better, isn't it, Emily? Just us... and your lawyer of course." Emily didn't respond, by Mr. Jacobson smiled at Goren's acknowledgment of him. "I'm going to be honest, here, Emily. We don't have any evidence that you committed this crime. None, except for your picture in Damon Sanders's apartment."   
  
"He had hundreds of pictures of girls in his apartment," Emily interjected.  
  
"Yes, yes he did... but none of them sent my enemies to my home, tricked me into going to their homes, set up a meeting with me... you /want/ to be caught, Emily. You want to be punished for your crime."  
  
"You and your mind games, Bobby," Emily snorted.   
  
"Yes. Me... and my mind games. Me." Emily's eyes met his, and he looked away.   
  
"How can you get me to confess a crime if you can't even look me in the eyes for more than two seconds?" Emily asked, her voice quiet but cutting. "Why are we here, Bobby? Because of Damon Sanders? Or because of a desperate afternoon 3 years ago?" Goren just stared down at the table. After a few beats of silence, he slammed his fist on the table and turned his back on Emily. He reached up and loosened his tie, turning back.  
  
"I am here, Emily, because of Damon Sanders."  
  
"Then why can't you look at me?"   
  
"I.. I am.. I am a professional, Emily. But I'm still a... man."  
  
"A man who was hurt?"  
  
"Yes, Emily. Hurt."  
  
"Is pinning this murder on me going to be your vindication? Will you be able to forget me, forget what happened, if you write me off as a simple murderer?"  
  
"We are not here to talk about me!" Goren roared, punching the air and resisting the urge to turn over the table. Mr. Jacobson stood up.  
  
"I think my client has given you all the information she can, and we're leaving."   
  
"No. No we are not leaving. I'm not done here," Emily protested, crossing her arms over her chest. "Leave if you want to, I don't need a lawyer anyway." Mr. Jacobson gaped at her, but a glance at Goren made him refresh his desire to get away from the room as fast as possible. He left the room, his mind reeling.   
  
The quiet emptiness of the room settled between detective and suspect. 


	8. Helpless

Disclaimer: Goren, Eames, Deakins, and Carver aren't mine. Emily Dimitrio is. Thank you, Dick Wolf.  
  
Goren took a deep breath and sat down across the table from Emily. He spread his hands out on the table and stared down at them. 'Come on, come on... this is nothing. This is cake. Come on!' his inner monologue continued.   
  
"Bobby, I'm sorry, but I don't think you're going to get what you want out of this interrogation."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I didn't kill Damon Sanders."  
  
"Any way you can prove that?"  
  
"Yes. I just came into town this morning. I was in California. My plane landed at 5:00 in the morning, at La Guardia." Goren looked over his shoulder into the observation room, where Eames had already flipped open her cell phone and was calling La Guardia.   
  
"We'll find out soon enough," Goren said, displaying more confidence than he felt. "But let's set aside Damon Sanders' death for a moment. Let's discuss his life. How... big a part of it were you?"   
  
"Why is that important to you?"  
  
"Well, it goes towards establishing this little thing I find important... motive, have you heard of it?" His patience was wearing thin.  
  
"Oh, Robert Goren, sarcasm does become you. Unfortunately, it doesn't really hurt me."  
  
"I'm not trying to hurt you, Emily." To which she rolled her eyes and sighed.   
  
"Of course not, you're just trying to get me to say I'm a murderer."   
  
"How big a part of Damon Sanders' life were you?"   
  
"We dated for a few weeks. Okay?"  
  
"Serious?"  
  
"No, not serious. I'd be surprised if Damon had ever been serious about anything. You wouldn't know what that's like, Bobby."  
  
"I can imagine. Go on," Goren was desperate to keep the conversation away from him.  
  
"Why don't you ask me what the point of this afternoon's charade was?"  
  
"Okay, what was the point?"  
  
"Think about it, Bobby... I knew, through reliable resources, that your toughest case was this business with a Nicole Wallace. Elizabeth Hanes, as she introduced herself to me. If I wanted to get you to my apartment, all I had to do was find the only person you'd believe if they looked at you with a smile and said they'd killed me."  
  
"I would have gone to your apartment if Joe Blow had said he killed you."  
  
"Well, yes, but it was just more fun this way. What would have been Joe Blow's motive?"  
  
"What was Elizabeth's?"  
  
"To hurt you, obviously. Don't ask questions you know the answer to, Bobby, it's boring and transparent." Goren gritted his teeth at her criticism, trying to brush it off. "I know exactly how things played out before Elizabeth even stepped into your apartment. You knew something was off, you had that famous Goren hunch - even when you saw Damon, you had a feeling something terrible was coming. Something bigger than a dead actor no one liked, anyway. And then you saw my picture. And in that great brain of yours, it clicked. Femoral artery... pink water...." Emily's voice lowered. Goren's heart was racing, his hands clenched. Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it... "You remembered my attempt at ending a life. Since then, I've done a bit of studying. Found out the femoral artery's a little more to the left of where I cut... that's a shame for me."  
  
"It was a shame for Damon Sanders."  
  
"Oh, that prick? Come on, Bobby. He used women. Day in, day out. He found their weakness, exploited it, used it. Used them."  
  
"Used you."  
  
"Used me, yes. Come on, Bobby. Men who use women, for sex, for fun... you've dealt with that all your life. Isn't it justifiable homicide?" Goren nodded slightly, but he wasn't agreeing with her. He was digesting everything she'd just said. She'd confessed to committing the murder, lickety-split. And yet he wasn't satisfied.  
  
"Your last attempt at ending a life... what was your motive there?" Damn you, Bobby. Damn you. Why did you have to ask it, why can't you leave it alone?   
  
"Ah, Bobby, as always... grinding salt into his open wounds. For the learning experience of pain," Emily snorted. "Bobby, my attempt was the act of a woman who could no longer look in the mirror."   
  
"You can't look in the mirror, now, Emily. What did trying to.... doing that... what you did, what did that accomplish?"   
  
"You can't even say it, Bobby? The man of a million words and dirty mind tricks, can't say 'kill yourself'? Unbelievable."   
  
"What did it accomplish?" Goren asked, ignoring Emily's statement.  
  
"Trying didn't accomplish anything, but succeeding sure would have."   
  
In the interrogation room, Eames and Carver stood, unsure what to do. Carver had heard Emily's admission of guilt. As a district attorney, he was ready to move into the room and cut a deal. He could be home by dinner. But as a man who liked and respected Robert Goren, he didn't want to interrupt. Eames was experiencing a similar crisis. She wanted Bobby to get his answers, but she didn't want him to get hurt. Instinctively she knew that whatever Emily was going to say to him, it wasn't going to be what he wanted to hear.   
  
"Let's get in there," she said, before she could rethink her decision. Carver looked at her, eyebrows raised, but complied.   
  
"Miss Dimitrio, you've just confessed to the murder of Damon Sanders," Carver began. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise and confusion.  
  
"No, I haven't." Goren, Eames, and Carver simultaneously began replaying her words in their minds. They all reached the same conclusion at the same time: she hadn't, in that many words, said that she had actually done it.   
  
"You may as well have. Why don't you just come clean? Make a deal," Eames urged her. Emily shook her head.   
  
"I don't think I should continue this conversation without my lawyer present. I'll see you around, then, Bobby," she said, standing from her chair and moving towards the door. Goren pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, not watching her go. Carver and Eames moved aside so she could pass through the door, unable to stop her. It wasn't the first time they'd been forced to let a known murderer walk out the door, because they didn't have enough to hold them. But it was the first time that they'd felt as if they'd let down a friend. Goren sat in silence, his hands still over his eyes, until he heard Carver mutter quietly to Eames and leave the room. He lowered his hands and looked up at Eames, wanting to say something but finding no words.  
  
"I'm going home," he said at last, rising from his chair and brushing past Eames. She stared after him, standing helplessly in the interrogation room. She stayed there for a few minutes, putting papers and photos back into Bobby's binder. 'I can't believe he forgot this,' she thought. It was his second most important investigative tool - right after his library card, Eames thought with a grim smile. But for once, the library and the binder couldn't help him. And for once, neither could Eames. 


	9. Pseudologia fantastica

Disclaimer: I wish I owned this show, and by extension, bobby goren... but alas. I don't. Lucky Dick Wolf & Co.   
  
At home in his apartment that night, Bobby tried to think of anything but Emily. He couldn't stop her face from entering his thoughts. He paced his apartment, feeling pent up and crazy. The war raging within him was not one he was used to. His duty, his civic obligation, was to find the evidence she had killed, and nail her. His instinct was to find her and tell her no matter what she had done, he loved her and always would.  
  
Goren was just slipping into sleep when the phone rang. He grabbed it eagerly. "Emily?"   
  
"No, Bobby, it's Alex. Sorry. I just wanted… this is really… I don't want to have to tell you this."  
  
"What is it? Is she okay?"  
  
"No, Bobby, she's not."  
  
Goren pulled up next to a S.W.A.T. vehicle and jumped out without cutting the engine. He saw Eames in the midst of the hubbub and raced towards her. Breathless, he asked, "Where is she?"  
  
"She's on the roof," Eames answered, avoiding her partner's eyes. He pushed past the other officers into the building. One started to go after him. "No, that's Goren," Eames said. The other officer backed down. They had all heard loud and clear, Dimitrio's one demand: "I need to talk to Bobby - to Goren."   
  
Goren didn't wait for the elevator. He bounded up the stairs, 3 at a time, bursting through the roof access door like a madman. "Emily!" he shouted, looking around and not seeing her.   
  
"I'm right here, Bobby." She stepped in front of him and he couldn't stop himself from throwing his arms around her. He started to pull away when he realized what he'd done, but she reciprocated the embrace, putting her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest. She stayed there for a minute, with Goren wishing she'd stay there forever. She pulled back and looked up at him apologetically.   
  
"I didn't think you'd come. If I were you, I wouldn't come."  
  
"Good thing you're not me, then."  
  
"Ah, the wit. It makes me weak in the knees," a flirting smile on her lips, Emily put her arms back around him. "Nobody ever sees you like this… oh, I'm sure people imagine it. But only I get to see it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You. When you're not perfect. When you don't know everything."  
  
"People see me like that all the time," he protested. Emily gave a derisive laugh.   
  
"Oh, come on, Bobby. Even when you're wrong, no one focuses on it. Because you get it right in the end, don't you? You always do."  
  
"Emily, what is the point of bringing me here?"   
  
"I just wanted to tell you that even if you can't solve something, Bobby… that's not the end of the world. Let Eames take the wheel sometimes, admit you have no clue what to do, you don't understand every aspect of human nature, you're not nauseatingly perfect, for Christ's sake!"   
  
"I don't think people think that."  
  
"Oh, come on, you're a veritable god in Major Case. It makes me sick."   
  
"Why? Because I made something of myself without you?"   
  
"That was cruel. Much better."  
  
"If this is some attempt to make me exorcise my demons, it's an exercise in futility."  
  
"Ooh, word play! This is getting really juicy now!"  
  
"Stop playing games with me, Emily!"   
  
"I don't know what else to do," she said, her voice small and plaintive. It stopped him. Something Ron Carver had said during a previous case floated through his head -'It must be frustrating, a mind even you can't unlock.' He was right. It was frustrating.   
  
"How about telling me the truth about this whole thing?"   
  
"Fine. Fine, you know what… you deserve it. I mean, you solve all your crimes, I'm not going to leave this one unsolved for you. I killed Damon Sanders, okay?"  
  
"Why?" Goren didn't miss a beat, although the confession had sent his mind reeling.   
  
"Because he was semi-important enough to possibly get the Major Case Squad called in."  
  
"You killed someone to see if I'd get the case? You could've just called me, for Christ's sake!"   
  
"That wouldn't have been any fun, would it have? Besides, I wasn't lying earlier - he did use me, he was disgusting and self-important."  
  
"So you took someone's life because, basically, you felt like it?" Goren was trying to look in Emily's eyes, but she was staring at the ground, chewing her lip. "Emily, that's not like you. You don't even eat meat. And you expect me to believe you murdered someone in cold blood?"  
  
"God damn it, Robert. Don't analyze me. I just confessed, okay? Accept it. Arrest me and let's go."   
  
"Who are you protecting?"  
  
"I'm not protecting anybody! Jesus, Bobby, you have this on a platter! Let's go! Please, Bobby… just arrest me."  
  
"Emily, you know I can't do that."  
  
"Why not? It's your job, you love your job."   
  
"I don't love my job as much as I love justice - and this isn't justice. I don't love it as much as I love you." Goren couldn't believe what he'd just said, and apparently neither could Emily. She turned away and crossed her arms.   
  
"NOW you pull this bullshit on me? Great timing, babe," she muttered. Goren could barely hear her over the wind and the faint din of the cops on the ground. He wondered for a second whether S.W.A.T. was going to try to come in. He could only hope they'd trust him.   
  
"You just have to trust me, Captain!" Eames was shouting to Deakins. "Look, you know him. You know how good he is."  
  
"He's emotional -"  
  
"He's always emotional! That's what makes him good! Give him a chance. From what I saw of her, I don't think she's easy to crack. He can't have S.W.A.T. bursting in on them - he'll lose whatever trust he's gaining."   
  
"Damn it… Alex, I can't help it. I'm being pulled two ways here. I know Goren's good, but we can't wait around here all night while he plays mind games with a murderer!"   
  
"Let me go up and see what's happening. I'll radio down if we need backup. She's not a huge threat, Captain. She's not going to open fire or anything. From what we know, she's suicidal. Not homicidal."  
  
"Okay. You go. I'll keep them out for 5 minutes - you have 5 minutes, Alex!" He called after her, but she was already running into the building. She took the stairs two at a time, slowing just outside the Roof Access door. She didn't want to do exactly what she was trying to prevent S.W.A.T. from doing. She slipped out of the door, but both Goren and Emily had their backs to her. She stayed in the shadows, trying to pick up a clue. She couldn't hear anything, but body language was as good as words. Emily was pissed, Goren stoic. What is going on, she wondered.  
  
"Emily, I'm not kidding. I'm not arresting you. We may as well go down and explain to everybody that it was a mistake. You didn't break any laws, they should just hold you for psychiatric reasons," Goren winced after he said that. Emily tensed and whirled on him.  
  
"And what if I tell them the great Detective Goren tried to convince me to lie about a murder confession? Wanted me to run?"   
  
"They won't believe you, Em. I'll just pull out some book and tell them about your disease-"  
  
"WHAT disease?"  
  
"Pseudologia fantastica - whatever it takes. I'm not letting you confess to a crime you didn't commit."   
  
"You don't know I didn't."   
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
"You have a hunch? Well this time it's public - look, news choppers! And you already embarrass your captain on a regular basis - being an unconventional NYPD detective. Being quirky and swoopy… and genius. But maybe this time, you're the one who's head is fucked up. You snapped! You saw me, and remembered my tragic suicide attempt and how badly you failed, and you snapped."  
  
Goren had nothing to say. He knew the story would stike a chord with the captain - and possibly the A.D.A. He had definitely embarrassed them before - and they had all seen how shaken he was by Emily. "Why do you do this, Emily?"  
  
"You're supposed to be the one with the answers."   
  
"Okay. I'm placing you under arrest," Goren said, monotonously. Eames saw him pull out his handcuffs and rushed forward. Goren looked surprised but didn't say anything. He stood, holding his handcuffs and staring at Emily. Eames gently pushed him out of the way and placed the cuffs on Emily. Two officers came out of stairwell and took her. Eames turned to look at Goren and could hardly believe it when she saw him crying. 


	10. Catching Up

Chapter Ten: Catching Up  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own L&O. I own Emily's character. She's growing on me.  
  
A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, but I've got a lot going on with the new quarter starting at school. Thanks for the reviews and such.  
  
Eames, Deakins, and Carver all stood in the observation room, looking once again at Emily Dimitrio sitting in interrogation. This time, she was with a different lawyer, and Goren was nowhere to be found. Since Eames had tried to comfort him on the roof, he'd disappeared. She tried to tell herself he was just embarrassed at being seen crying, but she knew there was something more - something he couldn't find it in himself to tell her.   
  
"What's the move, Mr. Carver?" Eames asked, breaking the silence between them.   
  
"I suppose we can't wait for Detective Goren." Eames sighed and nodded. She knew he was right, but making a deal with Emily without Goren present made her uncomfortable. Deakins looked at her.   
  
"Alex, I know how you feel. But we have no idea where he went. The guy was a wreck. Work probably isn't first on his list right now." Even as he said it, Deakins knew it wasn't true. Work was always first on Goren's list. Eames didn't respond, but left the room with Carver on her heels. They entered interrogation and took seats at the table, each of them less than enthusiastic. Emily looked back and forth between them.  
  
"Where's Detective Goren?"   
  
"We don't know. Now, let's talk about your confession."   
  
"Uh.. Okay. Well, I already made my statement. I killed him because he was using me and treating me badly."   
  
"Why didn't you just tell us that when we first brought you in?"  
  
"I thought I might get away with it… I thought I could live with myself. But I can't. I don't want to be unpunished."   
  
"That's very noble," Carver interjected. "I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"Look, let's talk about a deal. She's confessed. She's tried to be cooperative."  
  
"Cooperative? She's made a game out of it! She's tortured the best detective in this department!" Eames exploded.   
  
"My client admits that she has a personal history with Detective Goren, and for this reason her dealings with him should be forgiven."  
"Forgiven? She murdered someone and then strung us all along for her own amusement! She's put him through so much, I'm not forgiving anything!"   
  
"Detective," Carver warned. Eames took a deep breath and tried to focus. She wasn't going to make the captain very happy carrying on like she was.   
  
"Detective Eames, I know what I did doesn't make much sense to you - it doesn't make much sense to me, either. Believe it or not, I care a great deal for Detective Goren. I didn't want to hurt him, I only wanted him to realize a few things. I'm sorry that I got carried away. But I have admitted it now, and I would like to resolve this whole matter so I can be punished and forgotten." Emily delivered this speech in measured tones, as if she were on the verge of tears. She stared down at the table. Eames looked over at Carver, who nodded.   
  
"Murder 2, 25 to life."   
  
"Okay." Emily answered before her lawyer could open his mouth. Deakins rapped on the glass and Eames stood up, casting a glance back at Emily, who met her eyes and shrugged. Eames shook her head. Figures Bobby would be in love with a crazy woman. It would be a constant challenge for him. Maybe that's why she played games, Eames mused. Maybe she wanted to keep him interested. Eames whirled around and stared at Emily. "Did you murder Damon Sanders to play with Bobby?" Emily looked surprised. A cynical smile came to her lips.   
  
"No, I didn't."   
  
"What the hell was that, Alex?" Deakins asked as Eames came into observation.   
  
"She didn't do it, Captain! She's lying."   
  
"Oh, god, are you developing Goren's gut now?"   
  
"No… look, everything she's done has been to get Goren. She staged being suicidal on the roof to get him to come there, she brought in Nicole Wallace to throw him off… she's totally fixated on him."   
  
"So maybe she murdered him to get him on the case," Deakins said.  
  
"You just heard her. She said she didn't."  
  
"Well, maybe she was lying. Look, Alex, I know you don't want to hurt Goren - I don't either. But, the facts stand."  
  
"What facts, Captain? We have no forensic evidence, we have no clear motive. There's not even a strong connection between the victim and Emily. He apparently used hundreds of girls. The only thing going for her is a confession."  
  
"Exactly. Why would she confess to a murder she didn't commit?"   
  
"She's protecting somebody."   
  
"And I bet Goren is off finding out who."   
  
"Captain, get in there and tell Carver not to make any deals!" Eames sprinted out of the room.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"To find my partner." 


	11. The Rush

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Intent. Mmkay?  
  
Warning/Author's Note: Please don't hate me! This is hard to write.  
  
Goren felt a twinge of guilt as he badged the landlord and got a key to Emily's apartment. The last time they'd searched this apartment, they had immediately abandoned it to chase Emily down. He'd never searched it thoroughly… he'd never turned his special eye on it. Walking into the bedroom, Goren kept his eye peeled for anything minute - anything seemingly unimportant. He pulled open dresser drawers, looked under the bed, desk drawers - all with no luck. It was upon opening the closet that he hit the jackpot.   
  
"It's always a shoebox in the closet," he muttered. He carried the box and sat on the edge of the bed. Taking a deep breath, he flipped the lid and started sifting through the contents. Mostly photos of Emily's family, friends, even a few of Emily and Goren. He quickly moved through those, stopping only to stare at a photo booth strip - they'd each kept 2 of the little pictures. Their smiles leapt off the paper. Goren tore his eyes away and moved on through the pictures. He was almost through the stack when he came upon a familiar face.   
  
"Got you."  
  
*  
  
Eames stood outside Emily's building, looking up at the light in Emily's window. She shook her head and laughed to herself. After their long partnership, it was almost scary how well they knew each other. Eames badged the doorman, who looked confused but let her in anyway. She took the elevator, not feeling any desire to rush. If she knew Goren, he was combing every inch of the apartment with his usual style. As she reached Emily's floor, she got a familiar feeling in her stomach. She put her hand on her weapon and cautiously exited the elevator. Approaching Emily's apartment, Eames noticed the door was ajar. She kicked it fully open, drawing her weapon. "Police!" she shouted.  
  
"Eames, in the bedroom!" she heard her partner's voice, weak and panicked.   
  
"Oh, god, Bobby!" Eames cried out as she ran into the bedroom and found Goren slumped on the floor in a small pool of blood.   
  
"It's not too bad," he panted. Eames pushed her hair out of her face and leaned closer to him. He was holding his suit jacket against his stomach, where a red stain was growing steadily larger. Eames flipped her cell open and called 911.   
  
"It's Emily's sister," Goren said as she closed the phone. He gestured to the shoebox that now lay overturned on the floor. "I found a picture of her and Sanders in that box." Eames made to get up and Goren shook his head. "She took it. She must have been in the apartment. I didn't even check, I just assumed it would be empty…" his voice trailed off.  
  
"Bobby, this is not your fault. Look, what's this woman's name? Dimitrio?"  
  
"No, it's Fisher, Elaine Fisher. She lives in Buffalo, she's a wife and mother of two… I can't understand why she'd murder someone."  
"And then attempt to murder a police officer. She's in it deep now," Eames said, as Goren smiled faintly and resumed his speech.  
  
"Emily has always been protective of her sister. She was raped in college, and Emily helped her recover from that." His breathing was becoming more labored, and they heard sirens coming up the street.   
  
"Just hang on, Bobby. And don't worry about it. I'm nailing her."  
  
*  
  
After Eames saw Bobby into the ambulance, she called in to Deakins. Twenty minutes later, Carver and Deakins met her at MCS. She gave them the rundown. They both expressed concern over Goren's attack, but were excited that they had a lead. "The nightshift has a lot of hunting to do," Deakins said. Carver nodded and agreed to help wherever it was needed.   
  
"I thought you were focused on Emily," Eames remarked as he settled into a chair.   
  
"If this woman attacked Detective Goren, then I'm focused on her." Eames nodded at Carver and walked out of the room, eager to get started. Deakins was briefing the other detectives as Eames got on the computer. "DMV's got her address in Buffalo, just like Bobby said."   
  
"Let's call up there, see if she's even home before we waste a trip." Eames nodded and got on the phone.   
  
Nearly four hours later, Eames' phone rang. She leapt for it. "Eames." As the voice on the other line came through, Eames gasped and nearly dropped the phone. "What?" she whispered shakily. Several heads snapped in her direction and she turned away from them, intent on hiding her tears. "I'll be right there." She hung up and took a deep breath, standing slowly. "That was the hospital. Bobby's taken a turn for the worse," she announced to a shocked group. Then she turned and practically ran to the elevators.   
  
Deakins turned to the group. "Keep working on this one, guys. Goren'll pull through." But no one missed the tremor in his voice as he made this statement.   
  
*  
  
Eames paced back and forth in the operating room's waiting area, checking her watch every few seconds and keeping her eye trained on the door. She finally spotted Goren's doctor and raced over to meet him, barely daring to breathe.   
  
"Detective Goren is out of surgery and in moderately stable condition. We had to remove his spleen," the doctor said apologetically. "But, I'm sure he'll return to normal functioning within a few weeks." Eames couldn't resist throwing her arms around the doctor in a hug.   
  
"Thank you! Can I see him?"   
  
"He'll be out cold for at least another hour. Before he went under, he wanted me to tell you not to wait… he said ask Emily, she'll know. He wasn't making much sense, I'm afraid."   
  
"Ask Emily… of course! Thanks, doc!" Eames called over her shoulder as she began yet another mad dash to the car. She called Deakins as she ran through the parking lot. "Get Emily Dimitrio. We've got to ask her where her sister is."   
  
"Why would she know? She's been in jail."  
  
"Goren told the doctor to tell me to ask her! Look, we have to do everything we can, Captain."  
  
"Of course. And he's all right?"  
  
"He should be." Deakins sighed with relief. Eames flipped her phone closed and drove towards One Police Plaza, her heart beating so fast it was all she could hear. 


	12. Heard Round the World

Disclaimer: I don't own L&O:CI or anything related to it.  
  
A/N: One of the last chapters, folks. Thanks for your reviews, by the way.   
  
Emily sat in the visiting room of a women's correctional facility, nervously biting her nails. She had been pulled from her cell in the middle of the night and told she had New York City detectives coming for a visit. Had Bobby solved the case? 'Come on, for once let him be wrong,' she prayed to a god she had long since given up on. Emily loved her sister more than almost anybody else in the world, and she didn't want to see her being punished for a justifiable crime. Emily's thoughts were disrupted when the door banged open and Detective Eames strode in, all seriousness. Emily's stress level shot up. "Where's Bobby?"   
  
"He's in the hospital, Emily. Your sister stabbed him while he was searching your apartment."   
  
"Oh, my god… is he all right?"   
  
"He'll live, yes. But I wouldn't exactly say he's feeling great right now. Tell us where your sister is! You can't cover for her anymore, we're onto her scent anyway. But I'll tell you something, the sooner I can get her crazy ass nailed to the wall, the happier I'm going to be. You'd like me happy, Emily."  
  
"I'm sure I would, Detective… I can't believe she'd hurt Bobby. I just can't believe that. Her and Bobby always got along!"  
  
"Perhaps she tried to hurt him because he'd just found incriminating evidence against her."  
  
"What did he find?"  
  
"A picture. Of your sister and Damon Sanders."  
  
Emily sighed and shook her head slowly. "Bobby's going to recover, though, isn't he?" She turned her eyes on Eames, for the first time fully staring directly into Eames' eyes. Eames stumbled backwards, hit by the intensity of her gaze.   
  
"I'm beginning to see why he loves you so much."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You don't pull punches. You tell the truth with your eyes. You didn't kill Damon Sanders, your sister did. And she also tried to kill my partner. I am not happy with your sister. Tell me where she would go."  
  
"She just didn't want to lose me. That's all. She's not entirely together, you know?"   
  
"Apparently it runs in the family." Eames cracked, and a smile spread over Emily's face.   
  
"Yeah, I guess it does. Look, all I can say is, when she's stressed out she likes to pretend she's going to kill herself."  
"What?"  
  
"She'll go to the river, any river, or a rooftop, and she'll stand there and pretend, to herself, that she's going to jump. Then she waits to see how many people try to talk her down. When she's satisfied that the world cares, she comes back." Emily looked down at the floor. "Probably a rooftop you wouldn't expect. Maybe somewhere, it wouldn't be smart for a criminal to be right now."   
  
"She's at Major Case," Eames breathed. Emily shrugged.  
  
"That's where she'd probably go. She likes to up the ante, you know. Another thing that runs in the family."  
  
"You're coming with us," Eames said. Emily raised her eyebrows and Deakins coughed in surprise, but nobody objected. They were all thinking the same thing - without Goren, it might be good to have somebody else who knew how to psychologically disarm.   
  
*  
  
"Holy shit, she's actually up there!" Deakins exclaimed. Eames took a steadying breath.   
  
"Now I really know why Bobby loves you. You're both always right." Emily ignored this comment as they got into the elevator, Deakins on his cell phone to a SWAT team.   
  
"You need to act like she's not a murderer. No SWAT team. Just act like you care that she doesn't die. The more you play it up, the more responsive she'll be."   
  
Deakins looked at Eames, who gave a slight nod. It was almost like having Goren there. Deakins and sighed and got back on the phone. "Have everybody in position, but hold. Stay out of sight. We're going to try to talk to her."   
  
"Thank you, sir." Emily said quietly as the elevator stopped at the top floor. They all exited the elevator, and Eames took the handcuffs off Emily. They climbed the stairs silently, Deakins and Eames with their weapons drawn. Emily walked almost serenely onto the roof.   
  
"Elaine? I know you're up here, please don't hide from me."  
"What are you doing here?" A shrill voice, laden with New York, came out of the shadows.   
  
"Elaine, come out here. Don't be ridiculous." She stepped out. Only a fraction taller than Emily, built similarly, with long straight hair. She wore black and even from the distance Eames could see quite a large ring twinkling on her left hand.   
  
"I thought they arrested you."  
  
"They did. They just let me come up here to talk to you. Nobody wants you to hurt yourself, Elaine."  
  
"Right," Elaine gave a derisive snort.   
  
"No, it's true. The captain of police himself is down there, hoping you'll change your mind."   
  
"Bullshit, Emily. They're all here to take me in for attacking a cop. I didn't know it was Bobby at first, okay?"   
  
"I don't care what you did, okay? Your husband, your kids, they won't care either. You just need to come down and talk to them. They've been pretty considerate, given the circumstances."   
  
Elaine looked torn. She took a few steps closer to Emily, causing Eames to grip her gun a little tighter and inch forward. She whispered something Eames couldn't hear, then turned and ran for the edge of the roof. Emily caught the bottom of her jacket and tossed her to the ground. Eames and Deakins rushed to secure Elaine. Emily slumped onto the ground as her sister's foot planted itself in her stomach. She doubled over, coughing. Eames grabbed her and shunted her against the wall, standing in front of her as Deakins hauled Elaine to her feet. Eames came forward with the cuffs, leaving Emily standing against the wall, lightheaded and still coughing weakly.   
  
It happened so fast that later, when they were filling out reports, Eames and Deakins could barely fill it in. Elaine grabbed Deakins' gun and fired at her sister. Eames only registered the shot, followed by a surprised cry, and Emily Dimitrio slid down the wall, leaving a trail of blood. 


	13. Blame

Disclaimer: LOCI - not mine. Yay!   
  
A/N: DUDE! AN UPDATE! IS SHE ON CRACK? No, no I am not. I have just started a history class about the French Revolution. Thus, I spend much time procrastinating. So I've been writing! Here we go, second to last chapter. *tear*   
  
  
  
'Jesus,' Eames thought, settling into her chair for the first time in hours. She put her head in her hands and just tried to breathe. She had been through tense pinches before, but that took the cake.   
  
"Detective Eames, I'm sorry to disturb you... someone from the hospital is on line one." Eames lifted her head and looked wearily at the phone. "this better be good news," she muttered.   
  
"One last thing..."   
  
"Bobby! You're awake."  
  
"You're observant." There was a hint of humor in his voice, but mostly Eames could hear his pain.   
  
"I'll be over in a few minutes. There's something you need to know."   
  
*  
  
"Something happened to Emily, right?" Goren asked immediately. Eames wilted slightly. She didn't want to tell him this, but now she was stuck.  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
"It's all over your face... not to mention, I can feel it."   
  
"She's actually upstairs in surgery."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Her sister shot her."   
  
"What happened to her sister?" Eames lowered her eyes.   
  
"I shot her."   
  
"Well, she had a gun. You didn't have a choice."  
  
"I didn't even get to find out why she did it... I suppose you know," Eames said somewhat bitterly.  
  
"I actually have no idea. I don't care."  
  
A few minutes of silence passed. Eames couldn't think of a thing in the world that would be sufficient to say. She wanted to say she was sorry, that she knew how much Bobby had at stake. How she didn't want him to be ashamed for showing a weakness, that she knew all too well how hard it was to lose someone. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but he beat her to it.  
  
"Do you think you can go find out how she's doing? I just... I need to know." Eames nodded.   
  
"Of course. I'll find out. I think she'll be okay, Bobby. She was conscious on the scene. She was lucid. She told me to tell you... well, I don't really understand. But she told me to tell you that you can't blame yourself for pink water." Eames stumbled over her delivery, something about the way in which Emily had said it made it sound magical; coming from Eames, it was clumsy and unfair. Goren squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. Eames turned to leave. "Maybe you could tell me what she meant?"   
  
"Someday. Ask me again."   
  
"Sure thing."   
  
*  
  
"I'm sorry, but I really need to know what's going on in there!"   
  
The surgical receptionist gave her a blank stare. "I'm afraid I can't tell you. You're not a relative, right?"   
  
"No, but I'm a police officer. It's pertinent to the investigation that you tell me - right now - the patient's status."   
  
Bored, she rolled her eyes. "She's still in surgery. I think they're closing up. Why don't you wait outside the operating room for the doctor?" Eames let out a frustrated sigh and practically ran to the OR doors. She couldn't see much through them, just a hospital blue drape and the surgeons huddled around the table. A sudden wave of nausea hit her as she remembered seeing the same sights years ago. She closed her eyes against it, but still they came; images of her beloved husband, his face too white, too peaceful.   
  
"Detective?" Eames was torn from her thoughts Grateful, she turned to the voice - a young woman, in the horrendous blue scrubs splashed with a tiny bit of red.  
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Miss Dimitrio had extensive injuries to her liver and colon, but we were able to remove the damaged sections. She'll have quite a long road to recovery, but she will recover."   
  
*   
  
"Bobby!" Eames ran into his room to find his bed empty. "Nurse, where is Detective Goren?" The nurse shrugged and looked around.   
  
"Maybe he went to the restroom. I'll check."   
  
"Forget it, I will," Eames barrelled around the corner and into the men's restroom. "Bobby, are you in here?" His face popped out of a stall.   
  
"Is she all right?"   
  
"She's fine, Bobby! They just got done with her surgery. The surgeon said she has a long road, but she's going to be just fine."   
  
He shuffled out, clutching his IV stand and wincing in pain. His eyes were welling with tears, and he ducked his head as if to hide them from Eames. She walked up to him and carefully laid a hand on his arm. "Bobby, there isn't a thing in the world that could make me lose the respect I have for you. You don't need to hide from me. You've been through so much over the last few days, and frankly, you deserve to cry." He looked at her, and she nearly started crying. He conveyed so much with his eyes. She helped him back to his bed, where he took her up on her offer and began to gently cry.   
  
"She tried to kill herself. Years ago. That's why we broke up. Well, not exactly. Emily, no matter how much I loved her and assured her I was happy with her, she just couldn't accept it. She doubted herself constantly, and that alone took a toll on our relationship. But... there was something about her. I couldn't... desert her. I just couldn't. And after awhile things looked up. She started to... trust me. In little ways. Then I proposed to her, and she said yes, and our life was just... perfect. About two weeks after I proposed, she tried to kill herself by slitting her wrists and her thigh - I'm sure you deduced that from our interrogation, she was trying to hit her femoral artery. It was where her mother had cut herself when she died. That was an accident, but Emily's... was for real. It wasn't a cry for help, it wasn't an attention seeker - she meant and truly wanted to die. I found her, I guess in time, because obviously she lived. But she never forgave me that. She didn't come back to me. She got out of the hospital and vanished. When I saw Damon's injury, I don't know - I just had this sense, this reminder. I felt like she was close to me. And when I found her picture, well that just cemented my fears. I don't know if I ever truly believed she was capable of murder - but to make her point, Emily would do anything. It was far-fetched, but I admit I wasn't confident in my beliefs. It was just... if I pretended...."   
  
"You knew you'd have to interrogate her. You could see her again, get your answers," Eames supplied.   
  
"Exactly. I needed... I just needed... to see her. To see that she was all right. It was typical Emily to include Nicole. Any way she can prove she's still in control, she'll use it. It can be very endearing. It can also drive you nuts."  
  
"But you were right, as usual. It wasn't her."  
  
"But she would've gone down for it. Because I had to see her, she would have gone to prison. And she was only part of the sting on her sister because of me. It seems I can't keep myself from hurting her, although that's the last thing I've ever wanted to do."   
  
"Bobby. She was up on that roof with her sister because of me and Deakins. Mostly because of me. And her sister didn't shoot her because of you. You really can't take the blame for those things. They would have happened if you were there."   
  
Bobby smiled a little, but his face was largely disbelieving. "I appreciate your saying that. Maybe someday I'll get to the point where I don't blame myself for everything... but that isn't today. Not with the love of my life nearly dead and my partner tormented by the whole thing."  
  
"Don't you dare worry about me. I'm fine. Just another exciting day with the NYPD," Eames snarked.   
  
A nurse walked in and glared disapprovingly at Eames. "Visiting hours have been over for quite some time, Detective." Eames stood.  
  
"Sorry. I'll be back tomorrow, Bobby. Please get some rest. Don't beat yourself up, that's Deakins' job." He smiled at her.   
  
"Thank you, Alex." 


	14. The End

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue.  
  
A/N: This is it, folks. We have reached our end.   
  
Epilogue: 6 Months Later  
  
Carver and Eames stood observing a lackluster Goren's interrogation. "Detective Eames, have you noticed Detective Goren has been a little... off lately?"   
  
"He's been working through some issues with his girlfriend. I believe you know her," Eames smiled.   
  
"That's right. Miss Dimitrio. Quite a lady, as I recall."  
  
"I'm sure he would say the same. He's trying to decide whether they can make it together. They both really want to have a relationship, but..."   
"She hasn't even recovered from the physical wounds, let alone the emotional?"   
  
"Something like that."  
  
*  
  
Eames had this conversation on the brain later that day, as she sat at her desk for a much needed break in the day's events. From capture to confession on the Bobby Goren fast track, she thought. What a ride. Although she did have to agree with Carver; Goren's performance both personally and professionally had been something less than enthusiastic. He was still brilliant, but a little bit of the old Goren spark had gone out of him. Eames knew better than to ask, but as he settled in across from her with his lunch, she couldn't help it.   
  
"How's Emily?"   
  
Goren drew a deep breath and didn't meet her eyes. "She's... she's okay. She still goes to her sister's grave every day. I just can't convince her it's not her fault."  
"I think I know the feeling," Eames said, sarcastic but gentle. He smiled wryly.   
  
"Yeah. I never did tell you what I found out, did I?"  
"You really haven't told me much of anything lately, Bobby."   
  
"Emily's sister, you know, Elaine-"  
"The one I shot. Yeah, I know her, Bobby!"   
  
"I'm sorry. I... I had almost forgotten about that. Anyway, nobody ever got to hear her confession, right? Not an explanation at any rate. Emily told me what she thinks, and I tend to agree with it. Elaine was not a poor woman, her husband had family money, and the Dimitrios themselves are quite well-off. She probably started a fling with Damon Sanders, 'slumming' if you will. According to Emily, Elaine favored any activity with a substantial degree of risk involved. Not unlike her sister," he added, as if to himself.   
  
"So, what? Damon demanded money or he'd tell and ruin her little world?"  
"Basically. Not too complicated."  
"There's a change for us. Major Case Squad, my foot. We should be called the Contrived Criminals Squad." This commented elicited a laugh from Goren.   
  
"An unusual sound from this area of the room lately," Deakins remarked as he walked over. "Is my dynamic duo ready for action?"   
  
"We got a case?"   
  
"Yeah, and you better get on it. Big stakes with this one."  
"Sounds like exactly what I need," Goren said, standing up from his chair. Eames smiled at Deakins. It might be a long road, but he'd be back to full steam.   
  
*  
  
"Emily? I'm home," Goren came quietly into the apartment, whispering in case she was asleep. She wasn't, and came running down the hall to greet him.  
  
"I was getting worried," she said, pulling his binder from his hands and tossing it aside. She wrapped her arms around him.  
  
"We had a tough one today," he murmured, reciprocating her hug.   
  
"You're a tough guy. Speaking of which, I got an interesting phone call today from a concerned friend."   
  
"Eames?"  
"Actually, no. Although I'm sure she's concerned, too. This mystery caller wanted to know if you've been happy lately. I, of course, answered in the affirmative. But then I started thinking, you really haven't been. You've been kind of empty, and I've just been looking the other way."  
"Yes, you have."   
  
"Well, you jackass, why don't you tell me when you have a problem? It's entirely possible I can help you. Unless, that is, I AM the problem…."   
  
Goren pulled away from her. "No, you're not the problem. And, yes, of course you're the problem. You don't tell me your problems, either. And I can feel them - I can tell you have so many things to say to me, and you NEVER SAY THEM!" He exploded.   
  
"No, you're right. Because when I do, you make them your problems and then I feel guilty. And there isn't a thing in this world more important to me than your happiness, Bobby."   
  
He was quiet for several minutes. Frustrated, Emily walked back to the bedroom, leaving him in the hallway alone. She got into bed trying to think of ways to make him understand. She was nearly asleep when she felt him slide into bed next to her. He had his back to her, and she couldn't really stop herself from reaching out to run her hand over it. She felt him tense, then relax. She took the opportunity to snuggle up next to him. She put her head between his shoulder blades and whispered, almost so he couldn't hear her, "I love you, Bobby." He turned to her and as they kissed, she felt his resolve melt away.   
  
"I can't stay mad at you," he whispered. She smiled.   
  
"I know."   
  
"And I love you, too."  
"I know."   
  
"This relationship isn't going to be easy, Emily. I mean, despite how we feel for each other. We've got a lot of hurt between us."  
  
"I know."  
  
"But we have weathered it this far, haven't we? We're pretty strong, if you think about it."   
  
"I know."  
  
"We should definitely get married."  
  
"I know."  
  
A/N: Sorry to end on such a sappy romantic note. But, damn it, Bobby deserves some lovin'! Hope you enjoyed, and thank you all for reading! 


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